Why You Keep Going Back, Can’t Ignore the Text, and Think You’re the Problem

(And Why It’s Not Because You’re Weak)

If you’re reading this late at night, chances are something familiar just happened.

You told yourself you were done. You promised yourself you wouldn’t reply. You knew it wasn’t good for you.

And yet… you answered the message. Or you poured another drink. Or you lay there asking,

“What is wrong with me?”

You’re not broken. And you’re not alone.

I work with women every week who type things like this into Google:

• “Why do I keep going back to him”

• “Why can’t I ignore his text”

• “Was my relationship emotionally abusive or am I overreacting”

• “Why do I feel guilty for having needs”

• “Why do I drink every night even though I don’t want to”

• “Why do I procrastinate and hate myself for it”

• “Why do I always feel like I’m the problem”

  
  

These aren’t questions about strength or willpower. They’re questions about self-abandonment.

You’re Not Going Back Because You Want Him

You’re Going Back Because You Lost Yourself

One of the biggest lies women are told is that if they were “strong enough,” they’d walk away and never look back.

That’s not how the nervous system works.

When you’ve spent months or years:

• shrinking yourself

• keeping the peace

• managing someone else’s emotions

• doubting your own reactions

• being told you’re “too sensitive”

• being ignored, dismissed, or left hanging

  
  

Your body doesn’t crave him.

It craves relief. Familiarity. Connection. A moment where the tension drops.

That’s why the text message pulls you back in.

That’s why silence feels unbearable.

That’s why you replay conversations over and over.

Not because you’re weak, because your system learned that attachment meant survival.

“Was It Really That Bad?”

Why You Keep Questioning Your Reality

One of the most common things women say to me is:

“I don’t know if it was emotional abuse… maybe I’m exaggerating.”

That confusion doesn’t come from nowhere.

It comes from:

• inconsistent behaviour

• affection followed by withdrawal

• being left without explanation

• being made responsible for someone else’s moods

• having your needs minimised or mocked

• being told you’re asking for too much

This creates cognitive dissonance.

Your body feels hurt.

Your brain tries to explain it away.

So you ask:

• “Am I overreacting?”

• “Why can’t I just let it go?”

• “Why am I still affected?”

Because your boundaries were crossed, not discussed.

Why Drinking Helps… Until It Doesn’t

Another late-night search I see a lot:

• “Am I drinking too much or just stressed?”

• “Why does wine help me relax but make me feel worse?”

• “How do I switch my brain off without alcohol?”

Alcohol isn’t the problem. It’s the shortcut.

When you’ve spent all day holding it together, being reasonable, not asking for too much, not rocking the boat…

Your nervous system is fried.

Drinking slows things down.

It numbs the noise.

It creates a pause you don’t know how to give yourself sober.

The shame afterwards isn’t because you failed. It’s because nothing actually changed underneath.

Procrastination Isn’t Laziness

It’s Fear Wearing a Disguise

If you keep thinking:

• “Why can’t I just start?”

• “Why do I avoid things that are good for me?”

• “Why do I sabotage myself?”

Here’s the truth most people won’t say:

You’re not procrastinating.

You're protecting yourself.

When choosing yourself has previously led to:

• conflict

• withdrawal

• punishment

• rejection

Your body learns that action = danger.

Freezing is safer than trying.

This Is Where Compassionate Inquiry Comes In

Compassionate Inquiry isn’t about fixing you.And it’s not about reliving the past.

It’s about awareness without judgement.

It helps women:

• understand why they go quiet instead of speaking up

• notice when they’re shrinking again

• hear the inner voices that pull them back into doubt

• pause before replying to the text

• recognise when they’re about to abandon themselves again

There’s no agenda.

No pressure.

No pushing.

Just space to hear yourself clearly for the first time in a long time.

And when that happens, something shifts.

Women start moving again.

They stop spiralling.

They make different choices without forcing them.

Not because they tried harder.

Because they trusted themselves again.

If This Is Landing, Here’s What I Want You to Know

You don’t need to be “ready” to change everything.

You don’t need another plan.

You don’t need to punish yourself into progress.

You need a space where your feelings aren’t questioned.Where your body makes sense.Where you’re not told to just let it go.

That’s what these sessions are for.

If you keep ending up back here, late at night, asking what’s wrong with you…

Nothing is wrong with you.

You’ve just been ignoring yourself for too long.

And it’s safe to stop now.

If this resonates and you want support that starts with awareness, not pressure, you can send me a message via the site.

We’ll take it from there.